Healing after an affair

Infidelity can be one of the most traumatic and emotionally devastating experiences in a relationship. When one partner discovers that the other has engaged in an affair, the pain, betrayal, and shock can be overwhelming. At Relieve Counselling, we understand the profound impact of infidelity on both partners and offer a trauma-informed approach, drawing on renowned methods like the Gottman approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy, to help couples heal and rebuild trust. We also recognize the added complexities when children are involved and provide guidance on navigating this challenge.

Recognizing the Trauma

Infidelity can cause significant emotional trauma to both partners. At Relieve Counselling, our experienced couples psychotherapists are well-versed in the Gottman approach, which emphasizes understanding the emotional impact of betrayal. We recognize the deep emotional wounds that infidelity can create and use Emotion-Focused Therapy to address these emotions, providing a safe and supportive space for healing.

Seek Professional Help

We provide a safe and non-judgmental environment where both partners can explore their emotions, understand the root causes of the affair, and work on rebuilding trust. Individual and couples therapy, rooted in these evidence-based approaches, are vital components of our strategy to help you navigate this challenging journey.

Validation and Empathy

We believe in the importance of validation and empathy in the healing process. The Gottman approach encourages building emotional intimacy by understanding each partner’s emotional experiences. Our therapists at Relieve Counselling use Emotion-Focused Therapy to help the person who had the affair empathize with the pain and betrayal their partner is experiencing, while the betrayed partner acknowledges the feelings of guilt and remorse of the other. This combination of approaches emphasizes the significance of understanding and empathizing with one another to rebuild a stronger foundation.

Transparency and Honesty

Rebuilding trust requires complete transparency and honesty. Our therapists guide couples in establishing open and honest communication. The person who had the affair must be willing to answer questions openly and honestly, within reasonable boundaries. This transparency is essential for rebuilding trust and fostering a more secure relationship.

Establish Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are crucial for rebuilding a relationship after an affair. Our couple counsellors help couples communicate their needs and establish clear boundaries to prevent future infidelity. We encourage this communication as a means of rebuilding trust, and Emotion-Focused Therapy is used to navigate the emotional complexities that may arise during this process.


Both partners should prioritize self-care during the healing process. Self-care includes maintaining proper nutrition, exercise, and stress management. By taking care of your well-being, you can better cope with the emotional challenges of repairing your relationship.

Grieve the Loss

We understand the importance of acknowledging and processing the loss of trust, the old relationship, and the innocence of the past. Grieving is a necessary part of the healing process. In therapy, it allows you to express your emotions, including anger, sadness, and confusion, as you work towards eventual acceptance and growth.

Rebuilding Intimacy

Reconnecting on an emotional and physical level is crucial to healing. We understand that this should be gradual and respectful of each partner’s pace and comfort. Rebuilding intimacy can only occur when both partners feel secure and trust is reestablished. 

Forgiveness and Moving Forward

Forgiveness is a complex and personal process, and it’s something we help our clients navigate. It doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning the affair but rather letting go of anger and resentment for your own well-being. Moving forward is possible, but it requires commitment and effort from both partners. 

Addressing Children

We understand that when children are involved, the healing process becomes more complex. We provide guidance on how to navigate this challenging aspect. Communication is key; ensuring that children are not caught in the middle and that they receive age-appropriate explanations is crucial. Our therapists can help you develop a plan for addressing this aspect of the healing process.

Continued Support

Healing after an affair is an ongoing process, and we are here to support you every step of the way at Relieve Counselling. Our therapists provide continued support and guidance, helping you maintain open communication and work towards a stronger, more resilient relationship. While the scars of infidelity may never fully disappear, they can heal, and your relationship can become stronger with dedication and mutual support.

Repairing a relationship after an affair is a challenging journey that requires a trauma-informed approach. We understand the profound impact of infidelity and are here to help you heal and rebuild trust. With our professional expertise, open communication, empathy, and commitment to healing, it is possible to create a stronger, more resilient relationship, even when children are involved. Remember that recovery takes time and patience.